You Will (Not) Succeed

Awkward silence = FREEDOM.
You know how you're in a group of people, everyone but you is grumpy and pissed off and although you don't know the reasons you also don't care. Instead you take time off as everyone else and so you walk around for hours without saying a single word to each other. It's so.... liberating. How you can notice all kinds of new little details in places you've been to countless times before...

Laiskus on ülim egoismi kehastus.
Inimese huvi maailma vastu on kõigest ülejääk inimese huvist enese vastu.

'if god made the world i would not want to be that god for the misery of the world would tear my heart to shreds'

'sa oled nii loll'
'hullem kui laps' 

'If I'd been born somewhere else...it might have been me
holding the gun now.
If you'd been born somewhere else,
it might have been you sitting where I am.
For all your talk about choices.....we don't get to choose those things.'

'Acts of hatred also produce acts of love'



dance with a traffic sign
shower for an hour
play games with girls instead of fire



Say, Have you ever realized how insignificant your existence is on this planet? I have. It's something I'll never forget. During elementary school when I was in sixth grade the whole family went to watch a baseball game at the stadium. I wasn't particularly interested in baseball but I was shocked when we got there. There were people everywhere I looked. I wondered if every last person in USA had gathered in this place. And so I asked my dad. Exactly how many people were in the stadium? His answer was that the sould-out game meant around fifty thousand people. 
After the game the path to the stadium was flooded with people. The sight stunned me. 
So many people around me yet they only made up a fraction of the people in the US. Once I got home I got a calculator and did the math. We learned that the USA population was a hundred million and some in social studies. Divide 50 000 into that and you only get 1/2000th. I was stunned again. Not only was I just one little person in that sea of people in that stadium...but that sea of people was merely a drop in the ocean. I had thought myself to be a special person up until that point. I enjoyed being with my family and most of all... I thought that my class in my school had the most interesting people in the world. But that was when I realized it wasn't like that. The things that happened in what I believed to be the most enjoyable class in the world could be found happening in any school in USA.Everyone in the US would find them to be ordinary occurrences. 
Once I realized this I suddenly found that my surrounding were beginning to lose their color. Brush my teeth and go to sleep at night. Wake up and eat breakfast in the morning. People do those everywhere. When I realized that everyone did all these things on a daily basis everything started to feel so boring. And if there were so many people in the world there had to be someone living an interesting live that wasn't ordinary . I was sure of it. Why wasn't that person me? That's all I could think about until I graduated from elementary school. And in the process, I realized something. Nothing fun will happen if you sit around waiting.
 So I figured I would change myself in middle school. Let the world know that I wasn't a girl content with sitting around and waiting. And I conducted myself accordingly. But in the end, nothing ever happened. Before I knew it, I was in high school. I thought something would have changed. 






Are you aware of the anthropic principle? 
Never heard of it. 
The condensed version is as follows: ''If something must be true for us as humans, to exist then it is true because we exist." That's the theory. "I observe, therefore the universe exists." would be another way to put it. Basically humans, the intelligent life forms of this planet discovered the laws of physics and other physical constants and through those discoveries, became aware for the first time of the existence of a universe bound by those observations. Therefore, if the humans on Earth who observed this universe had not evolved to our current level there would be no one to make those observations and consequently, the existence of the universe would remain unknown. In other words, it wouldn't matter if the universe existed or not. The existence of humans permits the existence of the universe. This would be the reasoning from a human basis. 
That's just ridiculous. Doesn't matter if humans are around or not. The universe is the universe. 
Precisely. Which is why the anthropic principle is merely speculative theory. However, it brings some interesting facts to our attention. Why did the universe happen to be created to accommodate human life? If there was a slight increase or decrease in the gravitational constant or particle-mass ratios the universe would most likely not have facilitated the development of such a planet. 
You sound like one of those brochures for one of those new pseudoscience religions.
Quite frankly I do not believe that an omniscient, omnipotent God created humans.
However, we have our suspicions. 
 About what?
Perhaps we are just clowns standing on tiptoe at the edge of a cliff?

You're very beautiful, aren't you?

Am I?

In a quirky sort of way.

No matter how many books you read, there is something in this world that you never ever ever ever ever fucking understand.


I've got an infinite number of places to go, the problem is where to stay.




What if God just put us here for his own entertainment? That's all we are - just something for him to have a bit of a laugh at?


It's funny bein' inside 'int it? 'Cos when ya are inside, yer still actually outside aren't ya. And then you can say when you're outisde, you're inside because you're always inside yer head. Do you follow that?


pfft this looks like somebody's tumblr... haha

28.05
õues oli amazing ilm. Udu, tumesinine taevas, Punakas-kollane kuu ja heinapallid haha
 29-30
lossimägedest alla jooksmine jooksmise pärast, trepiastmete lugemine, parkides istumine ja tundmatu, kes peab sind enda tuttavaks, kuid saab varsti eksitusest aru ja lahkub pettunult purkaevu vaadates, laps, kes sinna mängides sisse kukub... ja naer jätkub, nelja aastase hingest soov 'nii kangesti lennata' kõrgele-kõrgele,
unenäod maitsetult riietatud kombetust matsist, kes kõigele vaatamata aadliku tiitlit omab ja ka räbalaid pilkupüüdvalt kandvast elumehest, kelle kombekus võlub taani kuningatütart kordades rohkem...



my days keep disappearing into something....
my inability to focus has again produced pretty äGAH... dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb'


 08.06
  sürrealismist mõeldes uppusin sellesse ise.... piirid reaalsuse ja väljamõeldise vahel hakkasid kaduma... vaimuhaige tunne oli. Sellele vaatamata väga naljakas : D tripping without the drugs...

13-14.06
more of the same... insomnia induced drug trips are awesome. Gotta do this '3/24' thing more often : D

15.06
... okei... 3 tundi maganud ja oskad autoga sõita (Y)'ilt...
Korralikult väljapuhanud ja mõistus töötab piisavalt, et hakata 'pabistama' jms lollusi tegema = saamatus
mmm... + magamatuse korral on 100x naljakam olla...   unetus päästab maailma!

---------------jooge rohkem jumalate jooki zocolati't, sest kakao on alati tore asi---------------

mmMaxwell'i deemon!
 klaveriklahvidest varbad ärritasid möödujaid, kes pidi pidevalt 9. sümfooniat kuulama...

midsummer rain on (YYYYYYYYYYYY)

cliché indeed, aga ikkagi. (tühjad)bussipeatused ja pouring rain wii  :  D


haha unenäod, mis sisaldavad tuttavaid inimesi on siiamaani ... awkward.



"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' "


"But, man, you're never going to get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you want to hear; we lie like hell. We'll tell you that, uh, Kojak always gets the killer, or that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker's house, and no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry, just look at your watch; at the end of the hour he's going to win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in *illusions*, man! None of it is true! But you people sit there, day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds... We're all you know. You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality, and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you! You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even *think* like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs! In God's name, you people are the real thing! *WE* are the illusion! So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off! Turn them off right in the middle of the sentence I'm speaking to you now! TURN THEM OFF..."





"How did you get here?"
"Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday."



Man is fully responsible for his nature and his choices - Jean-Paul Sartre
Time does not exist. What exists is the moment only - Leo Tolstoy
Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing - Oscar Wilde


 magamine on tugevatele...

 stabiilselt 5-5:30 magama minemine on nõrkadele, sest nad ärkavad järgmine päev 11-13 ja see ei ole lõbus. Jaanika nimepäev möödus uhkelt ning seda sissejuhatav lõpetamiste duubelpäev samuti.
Viljandi-Tallinn-Rakvere-Tallinn ja numbrid! 20L, 500, 53.-, 65, ~40, 100+. juhhuu

lala jaanipäeva kirjeldus ekssiteerib juba kuskil mujal ja kuna ta on samanapisõnaline, siis... jess
16 min 14 sec of embarrasment bauau